Friday, January 18, 2008

Five day fever.. continued

"They're doing it! They're really doing it!! Come NOW!!"
A ruptured tympanum prevented me from partaking of the rest of C's excitement on the phone. So without further ado, the Old Mutter and I headed off in the dead of night, to where all the action was.

Cauvery Circle: the site of the first ever instant underpass in India.

Yes, really. They're using Malaysian technology to assemble pre-cast blocks together quickly to create an underpass overnight.

The construction site was like a village fair. Nobody had seen anything like this before. The genteel crowds of Malleswaram and Sadashivnagar were peering cautiously over the debris, as bulldozers gouged out the underpass under their very eyes. It was actually happening.

"Cool huh?" I screamed across the void at C, whose entire extended family had turned up to watch the construction.

"Super cool boss!" the extended family shouted back in chorus, and ran away screaming, as a bulldozer suddenly came to life and chased them down the road.

"Ha ha", the Old Mutter and I laughed from our side. Our mirth was short lived, as we suddenly found ourself knee-deep in mud from a truck that had decided to unload where we stood.

"Hoon mathe"(then what), said a surly policeman watching the entire scene with the glazed look of one that has eaten mudde-saaru for dinner. "Theppakke maneyal bidkond Mukta nodak badlu, il band tarle madidre innen aguthe.Yaae HOG-ri aakade. Idhen nim thathan swoththaa?" (Serves you right for coming here and mucking around instead of watching Oprah. Aay GO that side I say. This is your grandfather's ancestral property or what.)

Suitably apologetic, we extricated ourselves and retreated to a corner. I rang C on his cell to find out if he was ok. "Yes!!!", he hollered into my surviving ear. The bulldozer had apparently lost interest in his family, after they had all clambered onto a large rain tree. It waved its claw creepily at them and went off in another direction, he said. The view from the tree was great, but cousin #12 needed to pee, he said.

I was okay too, I said. The Old Mutter was a little miffed about her mithai pink and fluorescent green polyester duppatta getting muddied, but would survive, I said.

Both of us stopped in mid paragraph however, when we noticed something very strange indeed.
The underpass seemed to be in the wrong place! Wasn't it supposed to cut across the main road, instead of plunging in and out of the side road??!!

"Oh No!!" we both screamed, scaring an accountant's family off a Tabebuia. "Stop this madness instantly!" we shouted, waving frantically at the man in charge: a hirsute, pot-bellied gent, clad rather fetchingly in a tattered blue lungi.

"I shall do no such thing", said the lungiman calmly.

"But the underpass is supposed to Pass Under the intersection, remember?" we gasped.

"There are water pipes are under the intersection. Your father will move them or what?"

"Bu...but how will it work then?" we blubbered.

"Wait a minute for five minute", he said, and pulled out a crumpled envelope from a region I'd rather not remember. "In this master plan document", he explained, "you will see how this underpass system will work." On the back of the crumpled envelope, next to a hastily scribbled mobile number and a grocery list, was indeed the master plan.



To avoid the waterpipes on the main road, the underpass would start and end on the side road.
Traffic from the side road towards the main road would now flow under the underpass, but re-emerge on the side road, crossing the intersection above ground.

"But how on earth is that going to help?" we asked.

"Ah", said Lungiman. And drew a little squiggle on the master plan.

All the traffic from the main road would be made to swerve into the side road, take a U-Turn above the underpass and swerve back into the main road.

The lungiman said he arrived at this gem of a design (surpassing even that of the Richmond Circle flyover), after reading a Tinkle comic containing a story of Mullah Nasruddin. In the story, the wise Mullah went searching for his lost ring under a streetlamp where the light was brighter, even though he had lost it elsewhere.

Sheer Genius.

BMP, we love you. No, really.

Epilogue: A day after this post was written, the ornery bulldozer ploughed into a water pipe that the BWSSB (Bangalore Water and Sewage Supply Board) claimed no knowledge of. The burst water pipe is going to be converted into a musical dancing fountain which will spray "Car car yel nodu car" at the gridlocked traffic in the U-turn. The bulldozer, suspended from duties after trying to eve-tease the crane-lift, is currently undergoing anger management and repression therapy at NIMHANS (National Institute for Mad Hatters, Axe-murderers, Non-cooperative-bulldozers and Stuff).

The BMP commissioner says sorry and has urged the genteel crowds of Malleswaram and Sadashivnagar to kindly adjust and oblige.

41 comments:

nrimaami said...

Dude.. Seriously funny post.. but please clarify.. is this just imagination or are they really doing something around these? Me totally confused pa!

nrimaami said...

sorry.. not 'these'.. 'there'

Bikerdude said...

Maami: They actually are. The underpass is actually being built in 5 days with pre-fabricated sections installed in situ. It's almost done, actually. The only stupid part is the alignment of the underpass - which is in the side road instead of the main road, in order to avoid digging up the water pipes that criss cross the intersection. Rather silly.

As for the characters in this story, well lets just say some are real, and some aren't :)

Pri said...

bwahahahahahahaha oh god i miss my bangalore so much. naayi biskoot it seems! bestest drawing ever.

Prats said...

fantastic drawing...
But i must say , instant underpass, gave my kids a nightmare, the first day, when the bus driver had no idea how to get out of that road...reason being: all roads from every direction was blocked...

The pipes now have been damaged making it instant damages now...

please update me about the progress saaar!!! it will be interesting to pictorial updates.. :)

Guru said...

haha .. I was confused too ...btw elli maadtha iddare ee underpassna ...me too currently NRM (Non resident malleswariate :) )

Guru said...
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PizzaDude said...

Hahahahahahaha!! Extremely amused by "Nayi Biscuit" and your translation of Mukta to Oprah

Have become a huge fan of you and your blog :)

playbyrules said...

hullabaloo only! no water for a couple of days for the genteel crowds,thanks to our instant underpass! Madi malleswaraites are pissed off:)

10yearslate said...

Nummoor-aagidhr police-navaru hing haeLthidhr

"Lay nimm-aapr! Jaga khaali maadtheero, illa hodtha thin-theero?

Man-yaag aenoo kelsa-bagsi illandhr ill bandh yaak haNiki haaki my bads-kontheeri!"

(Aay, your fathers...! Real estate empty doing or beatings eating?

In house no work-bork means here coming, sticky beak putting and body why getting hit?))

Harishhh said...

Brilliant! I think I just laughed my head off... Excuse me while I go find it ;-)

RustyNeurons said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RustyNeurons said...

Trust BMP to screw up things in a thorough manner! At least they are 'professionals' in this category I say! :(
Funny post but I am sad at the state of affairs..

Suzanna said...

liked both ur posts in this series, and your blog in general! way to go!
-Su
http://bangalorebuzzz.blogspot.com/

Pooj said...

Gud one!! aiyaa.. "Pramadham"!!!

Reminds me of the kathipara junction tragedy in chennai... the Nehru thaata silai, whch used to b white in color and stand so proudly amidst d junction chaos, has now been shooed away to one end of d road, d color made as distinguisable as the asian paints ad, housing a couple of gender confused birds from vandaloor..lol..

Divya said...

Ay too much it is....I'm not coming to B'lore anytime soon.....please to be giving good news that all roads are hale, hearty and safe.... only then i'm stepping into the bleddy city...learn please learn from namma Hyderabad...btw great post as usual

Priya said...

musical fountain? how nice! :-) we hyderabadis only get flyovers that come crashing down everytime a pigeon sits on 'em (which is pretty much all the time!)

Priya said...

ah, the comment before mine says one needs to learn from Hyderabad :-D - yes yes, we all should learn from each other, especially the mistakes ;-)

Bikerdude said...

pri: tyanks I say

prats: apparently it is elli nodu pipe situation there. The one that burst was installed in british times and noone knew where the water went. Except us- it went to our home. naaaansense i tell you.

guru: its on cauvery circle at the intersection between sadashivnagar main road and sankey road

pizzadude: heh thanks man :)

playbyrules: apparently that thataraayana pipe fed the entire of north bangalore. eeg bantha neeru? namge sunday sayankala banthu.

10yrslate: heheh nimge ond police wardi haaki alli nilsisbekagittu. Yaaru akka pakka barhta irlilla :)

harish: :) thanks!!

rusty: Yenamma, Negative Nalini.Matte shuru na? Hehehe. Hogli, papa. 3 divsak badlu 10 divsdali katsidru parvagilla, munchegintha yeshto bettr alva?

Suzanna: Thanks! Am a frequent visitor to your blog. You do an amazing job collecting B'lore related information. Keep em coming!

pooj: Gaaahahaha. Gender confused?? I must know everything now. Please yelaborate I say!

Divya: Before you get too smug, I have one word to say to you: Panjagutta. Thanks, but Id rather be caught in a traffic jam than have 8 tons of concrete fall on my head. And hello, Benglur Bashing naat alloweddu on this blaagu. Go do it on a lawn in Ramoji Film city or somewhere.

priya: Oh you have cheenoed the very lafz from my honth only. But all said and donu, I quite the liku Hyderabadu.

Divya said...

I swear I love Bangalore man...Please dont hit me man....Din I tell you I like Bangalore for lots of reasons..I do I promise...henceforth I shall love it unconditionally....vokay vokay??

Rithish said...

@bikerdude
yen sooper-agi bariteerappa neevu... nimma baraha odi, ananda pulakitaraadevu naavu... heege bareyutta, sadaa nammanna nagisutta iri endu haaraisuve.. :o)

Bikerdude said...

divya: haan haan theek hai theek hai :)

rithish: Uyyo kavya ne bardbittideerenri. Nanganthu asht channag bariyak gothilla, but thumba thumba thyanksu for kind wordsappa :)

Rithish said...

@Bikerdude
kaavya enu allaree.. idu namma Manglooru bhaashe... nimma "Rowdy Revanna" lekhanavannu odida mele, nimmodane accha svaccha Kannada-dalli maataaduva endanisitu.. ashte... :o)

Sudheendra said...

We do have a sense of humour in adversities and that is what keeps going despite BBMP and the shenangans of our Yeddis, Gowdas, etc.ALL SAID and done cheers to these guys and girls who blogged now !!!

Naveen said...

guru, weekend my FiL was telling abt this and i still cant believe it kano..5 days nalli underpass!! BMP-ge jayavaagali :o)

swalpa original fotos kooda haaku blog nalli..nodona heg kaansatthe antha or better drive thru the underpass in ur reva and shoot a film and upload it :o)

as usual, masth drawing and imagination..

and congrats on the half century

sbk said...

hi dude seriously funny post especially the drawing
but i heard it will be fully functional by friday. Have to see the dysfunctionally functional underpass in action to believe it. They are bring new meaning to the term "swalpa side-ge barteera"

RustyNeurons said...

No pa.. I am not negative anymore..especially ever since I have learned I will have to shift to Gurgaon some time next quarter
:(((((((((

Poojitha said...

nuthng much saare... our nehru thata has paravai(i presume pigeon) for d luvly pose... all these confused birds(irrespective of their gender) en route to vandaloor make a pitstop at kathipara n site adichify tat beauty..lol...hence, gender confused.. :D.. but seriuosly, tat place is filled with birds.. tats d ys the addings of d bits...

narendra shenoy said...

highlarious!

freespirit said...

So importantly, is this underpass now ready and has it helped solve the traffic congestion problem?

Prats said...

y no pictorial updates....you've got more time now....29th I heard its getting ready!!!

Bikerdude said...

ritish: Hauuuuuda? Namma rustyneurons ammowru nimma bhashe ne matanaduvudhu. Thumba chandagi bareetheera bidi :)

sudeendra: You bet! Must say our governor annowru is doing a good job pushing all the projects through the system before those cretins can come screw things up again.

naveen: Thanks! Naale ready aguthanthe.

rusty: Hogli ond round haak banni, yenu loss illa. I think it will do you a bit of good to get de-bangalored for a bit, what say?

poojitha: haha got it! Hilarious!

narendrashenoy: Thanks!

sbk: haha good one!

sthreespirit: Naale yeno ready aguthe anth helthidru. Doubt it though, maybe mid next week. Papa BMC commissioner alle camp maadthidaare, to get the thing done asap.

prats:OK will try and get some pics.

Thinking aloud said...

:D that was hilarious..

if not anything my kannada will definitley improve...

themartianscientist said...

LOVING YOUR NIMHANS EXPANSION:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d

tojoe said...

I wonder where the original Magic box company have to say about it.. I heard they are some Malaysian guys..The BBMP guys must have had a ball in KL come back and sanctioned given the order to them.. Anyways.. Gowdru finished screwing up this city for 2 years.. it the turn.. of the pudari's and IAS boys.. Dont cry for me Bengalurur

Vijay said...

This is so funny... been reading your other posts as well....

Deepak B S said...

ಹ ಹ... ತುಂಬ ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿ ಬರೆದಿದ್ದೀರಿ.

ಆದರೆ, ನನಗೆ ಒಂದು ಅಂಷ ತಿಳಿಯುತ್ತಿಲ್ಲ. ನನಗೆ ತಿಳಿದ ಹಾಗೆ, ಎರಡು ದಾರಿಗಳು ಮುಖಾಮುಖಿಯಾಗುತ್ತವೆ.

೧) ಮೇಖ್ರಿ ವೃತ್ತ - ಸದಾಶಿವನಗರ
೨) ಸದಾಶಿವನಗರ - ವಿಂಡ್ಸರ್ ಮ್ಯಾನರ್ ಸೇತುವೆ

ಇವೆರಡು ದಾರಿಗಳ ನಿಯಂತ್ರಣಕ್ಕೆ ಒಂದು ಸಿಗ್ನಲ್ ಅಂತು ಬೇಕೇಬೇಕು. ಆದರೆ, ಇವೆರಡು ದಾರಿಗಳು ಒಂದೇ ಒಳಸೇತುವೆ ಬಳಸಬೇಕು. ಇದು ಸಾಧ್ಯವೇ?

ಈ ಒಳಸೇತುವೆಯ ಅಗಲ ಬಹಳ ಕಡಿಮೆ (ಅಧಿಕಾರಿಗಳ ಪ್ರಕಾರ ೨ ಕಾರುಗಳ ಅಗಲ) ಇರುವ ಹಾಗೆ ಕಾಣುತ್ತದೆ. ಹಾಗಾಗಿ ಎರಡು ಬಸ್ಸುಗಳು ಎದುರು-ಎದುರು ಓಡಾಡಲು ಸಧ್ಯವೇ?

ಇಲ್ಲಾ, ಮೇಖ್ರಿ ವೃತ್ತ - ಸದಾಶಿವನಗರ ದಾರಿ ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸಲಾಗುವುದೆ?

Bikerdude said...

thinking aloud: My kannada is not spectacular unfortunately. Deepak BS below writes beautifully!

martian: :)

toejoe: well i've decided to cut them some slack. An underpass in 30 days is still waaay better than the older 1 year projects!

vijay: thanks!

Bikerdude said...

Deepak avare: Nimma comment ge thumba dhanyavada! Kshamisi, neevu bariyovashtu olle kannada nanage baralla. Nanna anumanada prakara traffic heeg route aaguthe:

Windsor manor ninda mekhri circle kade hogovarige signal irolla. Avaru side road ninda enter aagi, underpass melinda hogthare. Athava, side ninda sadashivanagarakke continue madbodhu.

Sadashivanagaradinda Windsor manor hogovaru maatra underpass olaginda hogthare. Underpass ninda horage banda koodle, traffic signal ge kaaybekaaguthe.

Athava, neevu helida prakara Mekhri circle ninda Sadashivanagarakke hogo dari na block maadidre, signal dhu avashyakathe irodilla.

Idella odhi confuse aadre, mundina post nalli ondu chitra bardiddene. PS: Adhu nanna anumanada prakara ne. Konege Traffic dept yen chitranna madthaare antha yarigu gottilla.

Elliott Broidy said...

Fantastic. I love this.

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