Monday, June 4, 2007

The diary of a mad brown concert-goer

Saturday Jun 2, 10am:
beep beep.
"Wha...? Glug.
"Cmg 4 asmth cncrt? "
Bloody nonsense I refuse to read smses without vowels.
Aiyaaaaaa. Aiyo, aiyo. Ticket, ticket. What to do, how to do. Aaaa.
It's useless men. Mad I am not to have bought. Anyway I'm sure they'll sound terrible in their old age. Humph.
Waiiiiiil I want to go!! Everyone is going!!
"Aan hello. KeLilli. Extra ticket ide, barthya?"
"OMG Yes!!"
"OK We'll meet you there at 6".
"Gasp ok" (click)
5:40pm :
Snarl, Grrr, kaf kaf (gridlocked traffic outside vasanth nagar entrance)
Suiiiiinnnn (Reva parking between flower pot and gutter of irate house owner on Palace Road.)
"Saaaaar, pleaaase saaar."
"Seee.. police comes means I am not response."
"Sir they will not say anything sir."
"Very difficult I say. When you will come back?"
"Sir very soon sir." (Muhahaha.)
(Stares incredulously at 1.5km queue to get in)
"Err, excuse please, is this the line to get in?"
"Err even for the expensive section?"
"Dooooood, yeah da."
"Err ok"
"Yaar thiz line is nod like, matlab, move hi nahin kar raha".
"Yeah wonder why. Must be some reason." (Long live Bangalore complacency :) )
"Aye where are you? Im in the queue already."
"Oh. We're in jaynagar da."
"SHRIEK!! When are you coming?"
"We'll come no, why you worried? Ha ha you are in queue and you don't have ticket only. Haha."
"Yaii! Come soon I say you nonsense people."
"Aan ok coming." (click)
beep beep
(Msg from Vikster - already inside) "Wr r u??? Its awesm in hr. Golden fountains r spraying champagne and beautiful ppl from 6 continents r fding me grapes as i snd u ths."
6:20 pm:
Queue motionless. Watch punju bunch in front get progressively drunker, and paavam type Naga crowd behind me chatter nervously pointing at the gleaming palace walls 1 km away.
"Aan heLu."
"Where are you boss?"
"Jaynagar, I told you no?"
"Coming coming twennnnnty minutes thats all."
"YAAARGH." (click)
"Chill, We're in Vasanth Nagar da, another 10 mins thats all. But listen, my brother has the tickets and he hasnt come yet."
"YOWWWWWWWL". (click)
(Line has progressed somewhat. Friends saunter in and blend themselves into queue. Too tired to pelt them senseless with all manner of stones.)
"Have you called your brother? Where is brother? Why he is late? Where are they? Give me minute by minute update on their itinerary"
"Chill daaaaaa. They'll come no."
"What come no. Concert started 15 mins ago. Whats this."
"Lei!! Theppak ninthko silentaagi."
(Queue has progressed to the gate. We start letting people get in ahead of us)
"Err you guys can go ahead. We're waiting for our friends." (Simper simper)
"Thanks man".
"GRAARGH where ARE they boss??? EEYAARGH."
"Coming coming. Mwah. Relax relax. You go ahead ma Naga girl. You also go pa Coimbatore boys"
"Boss lets go home. This is madness. Yeah dreadlocks, go on ahead. Stamp on my head only and go. " (Sob inconsolably)
(friend's brother and gang saunter up and join queue)
"Oh hi. Cool, so youre at the front uh? Cool man. Here, take ticket."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE" (grab ticket and disappear screaming through gates)
(Arrive at second gates after 1 km jog) "Gasp gasp wheeeze."
(To frisker) "Boss I dont have dope, ciggies, alco, nothing. Please! Just grab my ass quick and let me through or I will do all manner of unmentionable things to you here only."
(burst into concert) "Aiyo, aiyo, everything must be over."



Moral 1: Aerosmith waits for good people.
Moral 2: The rest of you who waited from 1:30pm to see an elderly gentleman hawk spit burp and call you names from a stage in exchange for money - are silly fellows.
Moral 3: Never miss an aerosmith convert. EVER. Even if your mother tells you to.
Moral 4: Thank you dear friends for extra ticket, and thank ME dear friends for putting towel for you in queue! Nonnnnsense.


RustyNeurons said...

What??????? eight fifteenaaa?? tats too much!
:( by 8.15 pm maiden were almost winding up.. how long did it go?:( me missed lots???
No.. no, i dont want to know how it went! *huff*

Bikerdude said...

They didnt perform long at all. The concert ended at 10pm. But I decided to cut them some slack cos they are VERY old men after all.

Lovely vocals (I love ST's voice!), and some inspired Bass guitar playing, not to mention the usual lurid aero antics on stage.
Pfft. A 60 year old man with "lick me" tattooed on his stomach - Enough to put you off your anna saaru for 27 years.

Just Me said...

Hmm sounds like the getting to the concert part was more fun than the concert itself :)

And no. I did not get to go. :(

Meenakshi said...

Made it there bikerdude... with all the drama, and would have been back home by 10:30 to tuck my daughter into bed, if not for a dinner detour. They are really old, are'nt they :)

Bikerdude said...

Just Me: Dont worry, theyll probably be just the same 20 years later when they make their next visit!

Meenakshi: You bet! They are like Koscheii the deathless. But what a superb show no?

comment_raja said...

bangalore ke din! ive been to a couple of concerts in MSG in new york, and they pale in comparison to my bangalore concert going experiences. the crowsd is lovely, the open air-ness of it all, the screaming, jostling, singing along, even fighting - so much fun!

now please list all songs sung by 60 yr old.

Bikerdude said...

Comment Raja, remember Sting? Uff. What a fun it was no? This time however I decided to be a dignified senior citizen of Bangalore and stood peacefully in th eback and watched the show instead of biting and clawing my way up front.

comment_raja said...

ah yes! i don't think we clawed our way into the front do you?

That was almost like a private performance for us. fond memories of Bangalore concerts.

Bikerdude said...

Uyyo boss, dont you remember? We went at 4pm just so we could be up front. We were inside for almost 4 hours before the dam phool came on stage. Uff what a lovely performance that was- esp for commentless_rani who was full enjoy putting.

comment_raja said...

hehe @ commentless rani.

I think she was in the middle of several mini o's throughout the evening.

sou said...

lmao reading this. i was one of the dam phools who went in at 5:30 and was just about to give up and return home at 8 when the show finally started.

oh and sting! i was there for the sting show too and kicked my ass for not buying the most expensive ticket.. there were ppl around us who thought we were mental coz we we couldn't contain our joy that he was here in bengalooru
:( yidiots.

chennagide blogu. barthini mathe. tata.

Bikerdude said...

Sou: Bahala Thyanksu. ba ma, ba, ba.

deepocean said...

Very hillarious. End of it all, the moral is loud and live shows. Only on TV nowonwards - especially in our current traffic situations :) :)

Anonymous said...

hilarious! and I was one of those "silly" people who waited at the gate from 1230pm. And it was totally worth it. right up front, just behind the stage barricade. I didn't hafta smell others' armpits at least! Plus, got awesome pics, not blurry streaks of light ;) said...

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