Monday, May 12, 2008

Flyover feveru is backu.

2009 is when it's all going to happen. The BBMP, having partially completed the world's biggest roller coaster for everyday use on Sankey Road, has now decided to go super high tech. They're going to build a skyway on stilts from Minsk square all the way to Hebbal. They're also throwing in landscaping, a traveling circus, thirteen temple elephants and a high speed train that will reach you to the airport before you can say Hunsemavur Nanjundaswamy S.K.

This is just part of the grandiose master plan. People from Electronics City will now link up to the airport via a series of three skyways. At the end of the journey, they will have the option of purchasing pictures of their terror struck faces taken just as their cars begin to hurtle down the steepest ramp of the skyway.

People from Whitefield and Indiranagar need not worry either. A skyway will fly them over the old airport, past Domlur and into a large hole in the ground located near Johnson market. Illuminated signs bearing the inscription: "We suffered for 40 years, it's your turn now, gaaaahahaha", sponsored by the Yelahanka residents association, will be installed in the hole to make the descent more bearable.

A special corps of 83 traffic policemen specially selected on the basis of paunch size will be stationed throughout the length of the skyway to frantically motion the traffic along. Special parachutes will be provided to them to quickly exit the skyway in the event of a traffic jam.

National petroleum reserves are expected to hit zero 6 months after the inauguration of the airport. Bicycling on the skyways will therefore be actively encouraged. To provide further encouragement, speakers will be installed at regular intervals throughout the skyway, playing the song "Aye Gangu, ee biku kalisi kodu nangu*" on endless loop.

In anticipation of frequent power failures rendering the high speed train useless, passengers will be provided with a cone of kadle puri** each and marched to the airport in single file. Senior citizens however, will be suspended from the tracks and provided with a set of hand pedals to winch themselves slowly but safely to the airport. The IPL cheerleading squad will be recruited to recite "Dum lagake, aisa" to a pair of bullocks that will be airlifted onto the tracks to pull the train to safety.

It's all going to happen. By 2009.
So far, we've got this:

BBMP, we love you ma, ok? oaaaaakay.

*Dear Mr Gangadharaiah, would you be so kind as to educate me on the workings of this charming two-wheeled transportation device?
** Karnataka equivalent of bhel

Acknowledgements: Picture of the BDA Junction magic box received with thanks from the kind offices of Camera Karan.

40 comments:

Prats said...

Being stuck in the part of the city, that is either stuck having under or over passes....magic or otherwise....skyways will now seem very lego types....but why only 83 policemen?? I am terribly curious now...

Harishhh said...

Quote: "*Dear Mr Gangadharaiah, would you be so kind as to educate me on the workings of this charming two-wheeled transportation device?"

he he! I now have the darned song stuck in my head i say!! Soooper post as usual!!

Penguin said...

Considering my home is in Yelahanka, I'm wondering if these wonderful skyways are going to make my life better in any way, when I come to Bangalore next???? Or does that mean I can't step out of Yelahanka at all (which will make my mom endlessly happy!)?

The Quark said...

My dad says: "What is this nonsense, I say? Randomly constructing flyovers is not going to solve the city's problem. Everyone must take to walking like me." and promptly heads off to the "reading room" to read all possible things printed in the name of newspapers and journals.

My granny says: "naan bangaloreukku vandappo eppiDi irundudu teriyumaa? engappa cholluvaa Bangalorena maanga maadirinnu. anda kaalattula naanga ellaam HAL lEndu Rajajinagar varai naDandE pOiDvOm."

aadre ee BBMPnavrna katte savaari maaDsi phyd phyd anta hoDeerappa. buddhi barli.

GIVE MY BANGALORE OF THE 80s BACK!

PS: My granny thinks that Koramangala is faaaaaaaar off outside the city. I wish I could too.

maami said...

Ah, the perils of construction activity and civic development.Really appreciate how you can turn a song and rhyme out of bricks, cement and hard-hat stuff.

A.S. said...

I guess we'll have to bid adieu to those flying machines and say "Lalu Zindabad"... or with so much of hot air being generated by all this talk, perhaps we can all have hot-air balloons or something...

Bikerdude said...

prats: Don't worry ma the end is near. As for the number, that is the age I will be by the time it all gets completed :P

harish: aiyo sorry maga, full groans ella madkond hadidre yaradru mishtik madkondbidthare.
(Aiyo sorry magax, full groans anda ll keep and sing means someone will mishtik you)

the quark: Heheh. Andha kaalathu maanga has changed to indha kalathu jangiri. (The mango of yesterday has changed to the jalebi of today). Sweet nevertheless what say? :) As for the BBMP, Ive decided to give them a break since theyve actually pulled up their socks a bit, paapa fellows.

maami: It's actually quite funny this whole thing. Good part is that its actually beginning to take shape (Not the high fi stuff, but the originally planned flyover system atleast). For this only they did so much galata means can you imagine what gathi the next project will be in!!

AS: Heheh you bet!!

mem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mem said...

what they are doing no? skyway anthe idhu anthe aadhu anthe...

anyway super post....im also happily anticipating all these flyovers and trains ...if for nothing else but to see the funny blog posts that will follow

They are widening roads near yellhanka also and flyover construction near devanhalli has begun

some giant city we are becoming....still im terribly afraid for the next time i have to travel by air and have to go to devanhalli

Anonymous said...

Fantastic post! But Did you *have* to quote that song? Now I'm stuck as well!

Like the Quark, I feel like screaming as well! I want *my* Bangalore back!

and Koramangala *is* Out of Bangalore! :-D

- M

kavitha said...

ahahaha..sooper post! yay! i love roller coasters...so much fun, no?
rofl @ the 83 number justification!

ps: thankee for the translation bitsu. :D

maxdavinci said...

there you go... super machi...

I see the flyovers oozing with bloggable juice. loved the sarcasm...

Anu said...

Ha! Was waiting for Flyover Part 2and you didn't disappoint!

Prabably they have no kaasu for completing the underpassu since we all know it has disappeared en massu into the politicians paaketsu!!!

(I know I know that sucks - just couldn't resist!)

10yearslate said...

"Aye Gangu, ee biku kalisi kodu nangu*"

Entha holas-holas haad haadtheer-ree-pa!

Nummooraag-ree sir, aagin-kaaldaag, bike saako mandhi bhaaL kadmi.

(What dirty-dirty song singing-sir-father!

In our town-sir, in those days, bike domesticating people very less)

Omme obba college hudugi-yaar ninthiddh kade bike nindhrsi ee haad haad bekaar, avar hindh ninthiddaaki obbLu haLLi muduki mundh bandh ivann kapaaLakk bigidh beydhL nod-ree "Magana, akk-thangi-yaar ill ninag?? Illindh jaga khaali maadthiyo, innondh bigilo?"

(Once, one guy, college girls standing spot near bike stopped and this song singing, their behind standing one village granny front came, his cheek slapped and scolded see-sir "Sonny, big sister, small sister no for you?? From here, real estate empty doing or another one shall I hit?")

Maga, bike start maadi, allindh bhowwwnn anth paar-aadh nod-ree.

(Son, bike start did, from there bhowwwnn escaped see-sir.)

Bikerdude said...

mem: aiyo dont worry i say, the thing is noone has actually done the trek to the airport and back after all the road widening and underpass building. hopefully it will be much less stressful than we think.

M: OK here you go: "Hello mai lauly ladee hoo ar yoo hoo ar yoo... etc" Enjoy. Your old Bangalore (or mine) is sadly dead and gone. Lets make the new one just as vibrant though eh? :) I completely agree that "O yaar Koraaa munglaa" is out of Bangalore also :P

kavita: Haan come, more more they are building as each day passes.

maxdavinci: Thanks :)

anu: Aaaha!! What an poetry I say. Boss you are the T.Rajendri of today! Gaaaaaaaaahahaha Keep 'em coming:)

10yearslate: Heheheh as usual laughed socks off and had lemming colleagues popping heads out of cubicles. Bike domestication, bhowwwwn escape and nammorrag ree-sir were hysterical :)

Gugi aka Gogoush said...

So funny as usual, can't wait to see the tamasha when I come there next. Why you have not mentioned my part of the city ya, full-to-full slighted am feelings. Nambarke area ki irukadu kashtam onne-aa rendd-aa?

Anita said...

hey...Ur posts crack me up bigtime!!! I wont even try to write like you guys..I shall just louf-out-lowd!!...keep it coming~!!

kavitha said...

yes, yes me visiting soooon. way better entertainment than $40 theme parks! :D

mem said...

ive gone to new airport.....it was very comfortable drive actually and dint take so long (from mekhri circle some 40 mins)...
of course because there was no traffic

... but lets see lets see...might not be that bad also

Epiphany said...

Dude the passing (under and over) phase has hit J.P. Nagar too(24th main)...now I pass through only construction sites on my way to office and back. I'm lovin it! Especially when it rains!

RustyNeurons said...

Oh god, your posts are scaring me - will I be able to recognize nammur when I come back?
Gangu and bike translation was superb!

Bikerdude said...

gugi: oh correct, near your house only is the maximum chitranna no? Metro, gitro, its father, everything is there. Now they are pinnufying metal kambis and sitting. Not much progress. Foolish fellows. Whenever the papers ask the Metro fellows what gives, they are like : Oh no no we are on schedule. Its just that we are doing ground work itseems :P

anita: Thanks :) You guys means who guys?

kavitha: Yes instead of theme parks you can pay toll fare (not to mention the 1000 buck user dev fee at the new airport)

mem: phew thats a relief. Im sure with all these new underpasses, road widening and all, the travel tme will be the same despite the increased vehicles. And hello, not bad I say, this is your first non-moany remark :) gaaaaaaaahahaha.

epiphany: oh very good. now yenjoy. at the end of 2 months torture you will get one gubbachi goodu to crawl under. As for the rains dont worry madkobedi, the cauvery underpass was constructed in full of the maLes.

rustyni devi: Nope you probably won't be able to. Cos (a) You'll be driving into town from the opposite direction, and (b) the roads have now been super-widened. The hapless victims being our beautiful trees :( :(. Hopefully the increased civic conscousness we are seeing today will lead to some serious re-planting.

Anita said...

you "guys" andhre...all the people who are commenting here are also bery bery funny..:)

Sunil said...

Just discovered this blog and loving it!!

anoushka taraporevala said...

all very alien. gimme gimme gimme the bangalore of the eighties and ninetees, when one arrived into cantt and took an auto to benson town, bistar, bedding and all, having alighted out of the garden city express. (i think one had to change at miraj) so one more houston bangalore will be, eh?

tech said...

Hilarious as usual. Super stuff. Do you read Son of Bosey? (www.bosey.co.in). Highly recommended satire.

Prats said...

**The hapless victims being our beautiful trees **
The golf course and high grounds police station have just been eaten up to widen that road....though it looks awesome and wide....all the trees that have gone down under makes you cry....

Bikerdude said...

anita: Yes yes commenters are also mad fellows, kindly also join in madness and oblige.

sunil, tech: Thanks :)

anoushka: Hopefully not as dusty or hot, but otherwise I kinda like Houston. Same friendly folk and underdone character as Bangalore.
Yes I miss those bori bistar days. But certainly dont miss those hard-planks on the train seats in the 2nd class compartment that we needed the bori bistars for!!

prats: Very sad indeed. Listen, why dont you join Trees For Free? its an organization that plants trees all ove rbangalore. makes you feel real good! Link on my blogroll.

Scribbler said...

Yep, now we are underpassing, overpassing, or whateverpassing in JP Nagar also! So much making passes at each other cannot be good for moral fibre of Bangalore. fewer trees around to canoodle under=faster attrition rate of girlfriends/boyfriends=too much making passes, over and under ...

(Incidentally, the talk of bicycling on the flyovers has burnt the fat of the previous cakery-bakery post)

Anonymous said...

super post as usual.........but what is happeining about the metro machcha.......when is that starting..........i cant even ride in 60 speed on MG Road from a long time.......

perplexed said...

haha... super post! bangalore is going to become one city like in the jetsons! i also think that hot air balloons is a good idea...but too much of it and we'll have traffic signals for it in the sky like on our richmond road flyover!!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Potholes on skyways..jetsons meet the fred flinstone

Hmm..I think they are trying to build subterranean world in Pune. they have dug up ALL the possible roads

Anonymous said...

I think u should also write about another underpass coming up near kadirena halli cross, very close to dayanand sagar college.

The first day they started digging there, we took almost 2 hours to reach home from office and before that it used to be 20mins :(

Poojitha said...

boss,...we are dun staring at d policemama...new post needed saar

Bikerdude said...

scribbler: Oho besht of luck. One of my colleagues who lives around there was saying it ain't a pretty picture right now!

anony1: Oh so it was you that used to go paooooown down MG road a couple of years ago eh? ;) Adheno today in the papers Metro corp said no no we are building and everything will be over by December anthe. Highly doubtful.

perplexed: Yes like someone said, the best way to Blore's woes is to build another city on top of the existing one. Except I hope their drainage systems arent designed like Indian railways :P

anonymous: Uff. Tough luck. But dont worry though the traffic will be slow, the initial bottlenecks will soon be resolved.

poojitha: Aye, where is your new post I say? But yes, will do soon. Solpa Bloggers block has the happened :(

Vasoooo said...

why dont they build another city 2 kms above bangalore with more trees...etc for all the effort they are putting for all theesu highways etc????

vasu

Americatamizh said...

haha. I found your blog on some random search and I am just crackin up. Super, a work morning filled with superb vettiness. this reminds me of my latest visit to Madras and they are building this 'flyover' as they call it. It simply is a ramp on a couple of pillars. Sigh..but it was interesting how they felt this one flyover was going to entirely change the traffic. Like magically, people are going to learn what lanes, lights and traffic means. lol. I really enjoyed your blog; my next visit to India should be in 2009... so I hope you have your hand in all this 'construction' ;)

sanjana said...

LOL..hehehehee.. yenri neevu ishtondu nagisteera.. thanks so much for making my dull office day so much more bearable :)
cheers!

Nancy said...

would like to blogroll u? Is tht ok with u?

George Paul said...

and that goddamn underpass will barely fit 2 cycles...thoo!