Rowdy Revanna

Question 1: How do you fit a daddy long legs and significant other into a Reva?
Easy breezy.
Two in the front, seats pushed back.

Question 2: How do you fit two porcine colleagues and one daddy long legs into a Reva?
Easy squeezy.
Two in the front, one in the back.

Question 3: How do you extricate two porcine colleagues and one daddy long legs from a Reva after 1 hour on Hosur Road?
Geezie Louisey.
Method 1:
Switch off AC and wait for everyone to melt into puddles and trickle out onto the sidewalk.
Method 2:

1. Gradually heat the windshield until the suction pocket formed by colleague 1’s nostril on the windshield expands and pops loose.
2. Remove various body parts of colleague 1 separately and reassemble on sidewalk.
3. Move seat forward and entice colleague 2 out with a benne biscuit. Notice that colleague 2 has now been neatly moulded into a compact cuboid. You might have to tilt the car a little to enable cuboidal colleague to scurry out on fingertips that have permanently adhered to his backside.

Question 4: Write short notes on salient features of Revathi car.

1. Hello, no engine = no servicing. What a lovely.
2. Powered by Jog Falls. Eat my dust, Bushie.
3. Looks like slightly cute dead lizard. Very endearing if you’re into that sort of thing.
4. Has 4 speed AC which when turned on at full blast can double up as reverse gear.
5. Contains one of 8 working cassette players in Bangalore. Also lets you to hatch ingenious plans of murdering Radio Indigo RJs while driving to work.
6. Chick/dude magnet: “Aww, Reva you’re hawing? So sweet yaaaaan.”
7. Squeezes into loincloth sized parking slot on MG road while you beam sympathetically at other drivers who have been circling the block for 8 hours trying to park their big bottomed style-party cars.
8. Can scare all manner of people by sneaking up silently behind them and nudging them with bumper.
9. Confuses cops and therefore gets through all police checkpoints in record time:

• Cop: “Sir emission thorsi” (Show me emission (tra la la la la) )
• Proud Reva Owner (PRO): (Putting on a Mangalore accent for effect) “Saara, gaadili engine il-la, yenthadhu thorisali.” (No engine sir, what shall I show?)
• Cop: “Oh haudalla? License thorsi sir hangaadre.” (Oh isn't that right? show me your license then)
• PRO: “Licensu maneli bittu bande. Halasinakaai happala untu. Beke?"(I left the license at home. Shall I give you jackfruit papad instead?)
• Cop: “Umm, sari hogli, smell maadi sir.” (Oh alright then, smell please (breathalyzer))
• PRO: “Saara! Electric car odisuvavarige vaasane maadalikke heliddare dosha biluththadhe. Ee gaadili vaasane baruvudhilla, bari parimalave baruvudhu. Sathyavaagi heluthene” (Sir! If you ask an electric car driver to smell you, you will be cursed forever. Only fragrances will emanate from this car, and this is the truth.)
• Cop: (confused, not wanting to mess with a Mangloor type) “Hauda??!!" (really?)
• PRO: "Hau-duuuuu.." (Yes)
• Cop: "Aithu saar, hog banni" (Alright sir, pls go.)
• PRO: (Preferably in Silk smitha like groan, half biting lips) "Saara, bere enthadaadaru nodabeke?" (Sir, did you want to see something else?")
• Cop: "Aiyo hogri swami, namskara." (Aiyo go sir my lord. I salute the divine in you.)

Ah lurrrves mah li’l junebug.